Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Someone left, and why am I still not?

My next door hostel neighbor left today. He is going back to India. He came last week and found that this place is not suitable for him. He is 24, if I'm not wrong.

He felt that he cannot blend into the community and culture here. The food, the people, and perhaps, his hostel room or the hostel's community are not as pleasant as he thought. (There are theologians who walk along the hostel corridor half-naked. And there are Calvinists and Arminians who enjoy laughing at each other after a long day in class!)

His departure prompted me to spend some time thinking over the expectation and the readiness of being a theological student. My neighbor canceled his student pass. While my application for the same kind of pass was being rejected two years ago. And so I have to postponed my study until now.

When I moved into the hostel last week, I had a hard time. My emotions were jumbled up. I was frustrated with the packing and unpacking. There are not enough shelf space for my stuffs. I just left the job that I have been doing for the past 5 years. I have to use a common shower room. And I can't sleep at night.

And worst of all is not these physical difficulties but a teleological one. What am I doing in a theological college? Am I in the right place or should I be doing something else?

In a sense I'm banging my head on the wall, hoping to go through the other side. I don't know how will my future be like, I might die tomorrow, but I want to persist to do at least once what I really want to do.

So I have to put up with half-naked theologians, and the Calvinist-Arminians' laughter at the corridor. And thankfully, now I found myself walking around half-naked sometimes.


Alex Tang said...

what do you mean by being 'half-naked'?

Sze Zeng said...

Hi Alex, like wrapping a towel around the waist.. and shirtless. We don't have air-con here, and given the weather, half-naked is almost inevitable :)

Kar Yong said...

There will be much adjustments - it took me sometime to adjust to Gordon-Conwell and then later, Wales.

We'll talk more when we meet up next week. See you....TTC don't have curfew, right.... :-)

blogpastor said...

Hi Sze Zeng,

You said,".....but I want to persist to do at least once what I really want to do".........

I say, "That's what's needed for theological studies"

Sze Zeng said...

Hi Kar Yong, TTC has curfew! Impressive or disappointing? :)

Hi Kenny, thank you for the kind words. I stammered when my senior pastor questioned me on the pulpit, in front of the entire congregation, on why am I studying theology. I was silent for a while before giving the classical answer (God's calling etc etc).

reasonable said...

I know there are nudist Christian worship groups..... it will be interesting to have a nudist Theological College! wahaha

Sze Zeng said...

Hi reasonable, are you serious about nudist Christian worship groups?? Bring me there. It will benefit my exposure to the Field Education program.