Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Will I be a good husband?

I'm in a relationship, and like all relationship this one has its holes and patches. Since about 6 months ago, I started picking up interest in reading about testimonies by Christians who are struggling in their marriage. I want to find out what are the common struggles faced and the common mistakes made by both persons in sharing a covenanted life together. Many of these articles aid me in my articulation of this aspect of life.

The latest one is from Today Christian's Woman website. It's a testimony of an experience from an 'abusive Christian marriage'. The author's ex-husband was described "appeared spiritually mature. He prayed eloquent prayers, participated in deep theological discussions, and often referenced Scripture to support his insights." When I read this, naturally I asked myself, "Will I end up like that husband?"

The husband in the testimony doesn't seem to be aware of himself and how his ex-wife thinks about him. My problem is that I'm too well aware how manipulative, domineering, and self-centered I can be. I'm terrified even by the sheer possibility that I will indeed end up like that husband. And my future wife will be contributing her testimony to Today Christian's Woman.

Reading these testimonies enable me to approach this issue about marriage with a certain stands. For eg. I'm not dogmatic over the issue of divorce, remarriage, importance of 'virginity' (which I think is constructed to support patriarchalism), premarital sex, co-habitation and etc. I think such flexibility is required in this imperfect world which consists of unsatisfying marriages made up of self-deluded people.

Long time ago, Steven Sim told me that marriage is a nightmare. At that time, I thought Michael Bolton's 'When a man loves a woman' was the best song. I can't sympathized with him. And now, it seems that Steven has changed his mind. And I've changed mine. It's not merely a nightmare. It's Freddy Kruger!

Yet we have G.K. Chesterton saying in all nobility, "Marriage is a duel to the death which no man of honour should decline." (Manalive, p.85). A duel to the death huh?

9 comments:

Kar Yong said...

Hmmm....perhaps that's why I am still single? :-)

Sze Zeng said...

KY, u have the divine gift. :)

zenhow said...

Life is hard and that is so aptly illustrated by Chesterton's quote.

i believe the delusion that marriage is supposed to be the best state of life where there is continuous happiness and passion is part of the reason why marriage ends up being a nightmare. Both parties then expect so much from each other that in the end, they become disappointed and starts wondering what's wrong with themselves.

The expectations of marriage becomes too high for them to live up to. haha but negative news tend to leave a stronger impression than positive news. perhaps you should look at testimonies of happy marriages =)

Sze Zeng said...

Hao,

Recently I get to preview the new Christian movie 'Fireproof'. It's made by the team who did Facing the Giants.

This new movie is about saving marriages. It's about how a fireman, who is on the verge of divorce, decided to take up his father's challenge for him to save his marriage.

Though the acting and cinematography cannot compared to Hollywood's best but the movie is moving and touching.

And the movie is currently the best-selling Christian product in Singapore. It beats all other Christian books, CDs, DVDs, etc. And the book, which is mentioned in the movie, already out-of-stock in the entire island.

And you know what that means?

That shows the fact that many Christian marriages are breaking and broken!

So where to find 'happy testimonies'??? Let me know if you can find one. :)

Kar Yong said...

No...........Noooooooooooooo...

Chicken Feet aka KaKiaYam said...

haha...perhaps there can never be happy marriages (except for those first few months of marriage), only contented marriage...

everytime i hear testimonies of happy marriages from pastors, i have great suspicion of it's authenticity.

not possible, cannot be, bullshit...

getting married this october, and I enter into this marriage with humble expectation that my married life will be one full of laughter and happy moments.

Chicken Feet aka KaKiaYam said...

"My problem is that I'm too well aware how manipulative, domineering, and self-centered I can be. I'm terrified even by the sheer possibility that I will indeed end up like that husband. And my future wife will be contributing her testimony to Today Christian's Woman..."

me too! me too! but honestly, i think that we are worried more of our manipulative, domineering, and self-centered nature being publicised, then about having such an attitude ...hehe...

Sze Zeng said...

Hi Kakiayam,

Glad to hear from a sympathizer.

Congrates.. U r a man of honor.

To me, I'm not worried if my weaknesses and ugliness being publicized. So it really my own sense of falleness that matters.

Robin Teo said...

Take the bold step :), enjoy God's gift. Have godly friends who can counsel you through your marriage days, as well as for your future wife. Both of you can't do it on your own, let alone yourself. Sins are magnified to each other as both can see faults clearly in each other. But then, by God's grace in Christ, both of you will grow in Him and and each other as you walk together each day. There are happy testimonies but the failings or failed ones only to remind us how much more we need Christ each day. Take each day as God has given to both of you.