Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Dusk as Part of the Day

I have been sick since last Friday. Although I had finished the prescribed medicines, including the antibiotics, two days ago, I’m still not fully recovered. The pain went away during the medication, but since this morning (already 6 days in pain), I feel the ache coming back. The throat is dry and rough.

There are noticeable amount of thick and sticky phlegm blocking the airway. Hence I need to make the annoying loud sniffing sound from time to time to ensure nothing drop. Add to these, there is a big ulcer on my lower lip. At first there were 2 small ones. Then they conjugated into this one big pain-in-the-ass thingy. And there is a tiny sore on the left side of the tongue too.

In times like this, one can’t help but to think of death. Am I smoking too much, resting too little, and chanting Greek alphabets too often that I have now contracted some kind of cancer?

If so, I have no qualm. I had long drop the idea that death is something intolerable and must be postponed as long as one or technology can.

So on one hand I don’t desire to die just yet for obvious reasons (for an instance); and on the other hand I have no dear for death. In fact, it is kind of exciting because I will finally get to be transformed into a different reality through death. If N.T Wright is right, I will go to a “life after death” stage first before moving to the “life after life after death” stage. Hearing these terms alone already provokes all kind of curiosity and anticipation. And on top of that, I can learn directly from Karl Barth himself without having to save up to purchase his multi-volume Church Dogmatics.


Rize said...

You'll be all right...Will keep u in prayer. I was also having ulcers and still having them after 2 weeks. I think it's the weather as well...

Sze Zeng said...

Hi Rize,

Thank you for your prayers. Ya, I think it's the weather too. I have been going through hot and cold environment very often almost everyday.

I'll see you next week at Wesley :)