Yes, I'm evolving, but not knowing what am I evolving into. The religious identity on my Facebook account states 'Postmodern Christianity, Liberal Presbyterian'. Reason is simply that i don't find the Christian tradition as i knew and grew into fit my experience with the world, through constant process of self-appropriation. That is appropriating one self in responding to the world at best. Through this process, I've come to apply these labels as meaning:
'Postmodern' is not only because I can't go back to pre-modern, but also the fact that Modernism is impossible to carry out its ideal and thus betrays its impracticality. I attach to postmodernity not due to its subjectivistic nature but more on its better acknowledgement and appreciation of the 'Other'. 'Christianity' is an exclusive-yet-inclusive worldview by which one interprets the world through the affirmation of the mysterious yet diachronically revealed God's dealing with the ever-changing troublesome creatures 'humans'.
Nothing is perfect, nothing. (God is not a 'thing'!)
Yesterday Nalika saw my previous entry and the comments left by a caring friend who prefer to stays
anonymous. Nalika is concern over my 'evolvement' and want to talk about it. This is the first time she brought up my religious issue after a long forgotten time.
She said that the caring friend has a good point to make when he/she quotes Colossian 1.21-23. The gist is that If Jesus is not a real historical person, then that would have negative implication to our assurance of salvation.
The sooner her utterance was being digested by my brain juice, i started jumping and jumping. I kept jumping for the next half a minute. She was shocked and worried that my mind has blown off. In an anxious tone, she stopped me and asked why am i jumping. In a calm tone, I told her that I wish to have no wrinkles as i grow old. So in order to do that, i have to believe that i am living in a zero-gravity zone. She was puzzled.
Then i explained, "You see, if the reason why one affirms the historicity of Jesus just because the person wants an assurance of his/her personal salvation, then that is like me wanting to believe that I'm in a zero-gravity zone due to my wanting of an assurance that there won't be wrinkles."
Some might thought this is 'intellectual pursuit' and nothing more than just that. But this really is the problem with dogma and history. In our case, one's belief will not change history. That means, the craving for an assurance of salvation does not guarantee a history. So the way to respond to my kind of evolution is not to go around it with dogmas, but to tackle the problem at its root; that is to find out whether did Jesus really exist. And do the finding without dogmatic baggages. I can't say that i affirm the historicity of Jesus because i don't to go to hell, but rather, i want to find out the truth about the existence of Jesus, no matter the conclusion paves a way to hell or heaven.